“Swipe Right on Balance”: The Good, the Bad, and the Scroll of Social Media

When Phones Feel Like Home

For many young people — especially neurodivergent kids — phones and social media aren’t just devices. They’re lifelines.

• A space for connection: Online groups can offer safe spaces where kids meet others with similar interests or identities.
• A world of their own: Games, apps, and communities can be a place to decompress and escape sensory overload.
• A way to practise skills: Messaging or voice chats can help kids experiment with social interaction at their own pace.

Research shows that, used well, phones can support self-expression, build social networks, and even improve mental health outcomes for isolated or marginalised young people.

The Flip Side: When the Feed Bites Back

But the same tool that helps can also harm.

• Cyberbullying: Hurtful comments or exclusion can spill from the screen into real-life distress.
• Phone addiction: Constant notifications trigger dopamine loops that make it hard to put the phone down.
• Phubbing: “Phone snubbing” — when someone checks their phone instead of listening — can erode relationship satisfaction.
• Reduced relationship strength: Over-reliance on online connection may weaken face-to-face ties and sleep quality.

Phones aren’t inherently “bad” — but the way they’re used matters.

The Fear of Missing Out (FOMO)

Another hidden cost of constant connectivity is FOMO — the fear of missing out.

• What it is: The anxious feeling that everyone else is doing something more exciting, important, or fulfilling than you are.
• How it works: Social media feeds are curated highlights, not real life. Seeing friends’ parties, trips, or achievements can trigger comparisons and envy.
• Why it matters: High FOMO has been linked to poorer sleep, lower mood, and greater compulsive checking of social media.

Kids and teens may feel pressure to stay online constantly so they “don’t miss” chats or posts. Adults can experience the same thing with work groups, social circles, or professional opportunities.

The Research: Healthy vs. Unhealthy Use

One influential study by Przybylski and Weinstein (2017) examined the impact of phone presence on relationship quality.

• Methodology: Pairs of participants sat together to discuss something meaningful. Half had a mobile phone on the table, half didn’t.
• Results: When a phone was visible, participants reported lower relationship quality, less empathy, and reduced trust — even when the phone wasn’t being used.

This shows it’s not just what you do on your phone, but how and when you use it, that shapes its impact.

Other research highlights:

• Healthy use: intentional screen time, supportive online communities, using apps for learning or wellbeing.
• Unhealthy use: endless scrolling, checking phones during meals or conversations, exposure to harmful content without support.

Tips for a Healthier Relationship with Phones

Evidence-based strategies to help adults and kids:

• Digital boundaries: create “no phone” zones (mealtimes, bedrooms).
• Use phones intentionally: check in with yourself — “Am I scrolling because I want to, or because I’m on autopilot?”
• Balance online and offline: encourage kids to mix digital friendships with in-person ones.
• Model healthy habits: kids copy adults; show them what balance looks like.
• Name FOMO: talk openly about highlight reels vs. reality — it’s okay to log off.
• Seek support: if phone use feels compulsive or distressing, professional help can make a difference.

A Choice Point Perspective

At Choice Point Psychology, we work with children, teens, and adults to:

• Manage phone and social media addiction.
• Build skills to handle cyberbullying and FOMO.
• Set healthy digital boundaries without losing connection.
• Support neurodivergent kids to use tech as a positive tool.

Dr Nicholas Harris often supports young people with digital habits and emotional regulation, while Belinda Allen and Jenna Wilson offer strategies for adults navigating work-life-tech balance.

What Can I Do?

If you’re worried about your child’s (or your own) phone use, we can help you find a healthy balance between screens and real life.

□ Reach out to Choice Point Psychology to book an appointment

“We shape our tools, and thereafter our tools shape us.” — Marshall McLuhan

So next time you pick up your phone, ask yourself: “Am I using it, or is it using me?” □